hindsight is 20/20...unless you're wearing beer goggles

i spent a good portion of tonite talking to a friend from back home who is going into her senior year of high school. we talked mainly about how not to crash into trees and/or get into vast amounts of trouble. somehow it came up that i had A LOT of funny stories that i refused to tell her for fear that she wouldn't see the moral in them and instead only receive the parts where i had fun and make similar mistakes. buut, i'm gonna share one now anyway. :D

wow, after reading all of that it is suddenly more clear why my business card said "martial arts instructor and life coach" ...trippy.

i had just turned 19 two months before moving onto AUM campus to "help myself get to class" and there were only two things one my mind. 1: i was going to kansas sometime after this semester and probably gonna be there for a very long time, and 2: i wanted to have as much fun as possible before i had to have a full-time job in close quarters with someone i was learning to greatly dislike in a place very far from home. i had of course had alcohol before, but never enough to impair my judgement in any way...

one night i'm in my buddy chris's dorm for his usual thursday night drink all you can cuz theres no school tomorrow party and we get around to playing "ring of fire" a card game...of sorts. you can look the rules up yourself. anyway, all the cards have a meaning: with one you can make a rule, another everyone has to do a specific action, etc. every pull of a card though usually involves a healthy amount of beer as well. the game progresses and i manage to pull a rule making card! i decree that everyone must take off their shirts, because that's all i could think of really ;), so now the table is encircled by bare chested guys and chix in bras.

after the game ends, we're all sitting on the couch talking about w/e drunken ppl talk about when i realize i'm not wearing a shirt...i look around stunned; SOMEBODY MUST HAVE STOLEN IT!! i started arguing with the chik closest to me (i think her name was megan, i can't really be sure though) and acusing her of taking my shirt. it never occurred to me that she also wasn't wearing a shirt however. i stand and continue to vehemently propose that she had indeed taken my shirt and done something with it, other wise why was i the only one with..out...oh. it was then that i realized that noone else had a shirt on either and i was the only idiot that had forgotten that it was because of me that noone was wearing a shirt...mine was in the corner of the room where i had previously thrown it. hahah, that was part 1

part 2: i can't really be certain as to whether this was the same night or not seeing as how they all sort of ran together, but i WAS wearing a shirt this time.

after a bit of the usual stuff i still refused to believe that i could succumb to something so moronic as inebriety so i decided to put on a show. in the middle of the kitchen area all those who were able to still stand were watching as i performed jump spin kicks to prove my sobriety. i did all the tests i could think of: i could walk a straight line, stand on one foot, say the alphabet...hell i could even say it backwards! there's no way i was drunk. i challenged chris, the guy who's dorm it was, to a foot race outside as my final act of defiance against the Lords of Grog.

we started and were evenly paced until...what was that? i saw a light. a light that for some reason was going the same direction i was going!! i continued to follow it until i had gotten back to the starting point, chris was still running so i had apparently gotten back first, yay me! i was met though with strange looks, was i just that fast? as it turned out, i hadn't actually run the full race; i had only run half way, gotten distracted by the streetlamp shining on the wet grass, followed it in a circle twice and ran back to where i started...i hadn't won, i had simply learned something new about myself. the night ended with my buddies pulling me inside the tower before i pissed all on the outside wall of it because i thought it was a urinal and checking each floor to see if any body else wanted to play "stupid teenagers" with us.

WHAT I LEARNED: i am an extremely capable drunk; saying the alphabet backwards is a challenging feat for most individuals, but i can do it sober and tanked. drunken kung fu can't be that hard to learn because drunken taekwondo was surprisingly easy. and lastly, it doesn't matter how bad you have to go, if it doesn't flush then it's not a toilet.